5 years of happiness or misery?

honestly speaking, it's both. i cherished the happy times, and truly dread when we're in our downs.

after all we've been through, i think, it's important for me to make it up to you.

i've taken too much and however much i suffer from now on, i feel like i deserve it.

i have this nauseating feeling since this morning. and the words you said last night replayed in my head over and over again.

'i don't believe you'

why can't you believe me? that was what i thought. i felt so sad and disappointed. 

but i placed myself in your shoes, and it was only reasonable that you don't trust me anymore.

i left when you needed me, without a word, disappearing into thin air. 

i probably can't imagine this feeling..

and this is why i feel so sick.

this urge to throw up worsen when i thought about the possibility of another person replacing me.

i'm desperate.

because i don't want it to end. however much i lie to myself that both of us will be happier separated, i can't get you out of my mind.

i have this, extremely stupid mind. i do things without thinking and i deny it all the time.you're right, i do stupid things. i even ask stupid questions.

forgive me for my stupidity.

i have a very slow mind too. i only realize the seriousness of the condition, like, decades later.

haih.

i seriously hope that this nauseous feeling goes away. or i won't be able to eat at all.